


tell me love is endless (don’t be so pretentious)

by jonsrightrib (sotakeabitofcalpol)



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Minor suicidal ideation, Smoking, Unknowing angst, a tiny reference to jonmartin, basically they smoke in an alley and talk about what they used to be, this is a very specific brand of we used to be in love but I stand by it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:22:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24761506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sotakeabitofcalpol/pseuds/jonsrightrib
Summary: A conversation before the Unknowing, about love and how long ago it left
Relationships: Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist/Tim Stoker
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	tell me love is endless (don’t be so pretentious)

**Author's Note:**

> see, I said not be pretentious in the title, but here we are, 500 words of JonTim having a conversation plagiarised from a breakup of mine.
> 
> This fic is written by a bi ace person, and Jon’s experience is my side. That’s just a statement I’m including here.
> 
> Also, spoilers for S3, and warnings for suicidal ideation and smoking

"Would it have mattered?"

Jon didn’t hear Tim come up behind him, not until he heard the click of the lighter. It was probably intentional on Tim’s part; a tiny bit of payback for all the shit he’s put him through. Even if it was a surprise, though, the question’s been burning through his mind for months now.

“Jon, I can’t be fucked with your riddles tonight.”

"If I hadn't have become...this. Would we have still been..."

Their first kiss had been in this alleyway. It seems dimmer, now, and maybe it’s because Tim and his cigarette are further away, or because the bulb of the streetlight is going, but Jon can’t help but feel it might be a metaphor, as he watches Tim exhale the same smoke he used to taste on his lips. To his eternal credit, Tim seems to be genuinely thinking about an answer.

"No. I don't think...I don't think we really loved each other."

He's right. Jon knows that, came to that conclusion midway through a Saturday afternoon when he told Tim he was visiting his parents. He was only ever in love with the idea of loving him. That didn't have anything to do with being ace, Tim always respected that. He just...it wasn't real.

"But if we did? If we had tried?

There’s desperation in his voice, he can’t stop it from crawling out. He can’t tell whether it’s closure or knowledge he’s seeking here, just that it’s not love.

"It wouldn't have stopped any of this. You'd still be turning into a monster. I'd still be...this, I'd just be leaving someone behind."

"You're not coming back from this, are you?"

"Are you?"

He doesn't plan on it.

Tim stubs the cigarette out, cast in a streetlight straight out of a terrible faux-gritty coming of age film, and Jon doesn't try to capture the image in his head, because that didn't help last time. He's got Polaroid's from early days that he'd rather leave behind for anyone who cares about him and the people who were so nearly his family. Nobody else needs to know it ended this way.

“I did love you. I...I swear, I loved every minute of being with you.”

A bittersweet smile spreads across his face, that doesn’t quite reach beyond the dark hollows under his eyes.

“You don’t need to lie now, Jon.”

“I’m not lying.”

“Everything I have is going to you. I don’t know anyone else it would mean enough to. I think that’s the best I can do now. Memories should stay as they are.”

“Ran out of time to make better ones.”

Tim pushes back from the wall he’s been lent against, and starts to walk away. Jon lets him. What’s left to say, what’s left to ask? He’s far beyond forgiveness now.

Tim stops, just for a second.

“If you live...”

“Tim...”

“Don’t tell Martin you love him until you’re sure, this time. Treat him better.”

Tim walks away without another word, and he doesn't leave an absence behind, because that's been there a very long time.

**Author's Note:**

> I do love JonTim I swear, I just like my favourite characters to suffer.
> 
> The title is from ‘listen before I go’ by Billie Eilish, which just had S3 Tim vibes


End file.
